Yahrzeit
The Yahrzeit, the anniversary of a loved one's passing, is a significant day for the departed soul.
The Yahrzeit (the anniversary of a loved one’s passing) is considered the most significant day of the year for bringing merit to the soul of the departed.
In this guide, you will learn what a Yahrzeit is, how to calculate the Yahrzeit date, the customs traditionally observed on this day, why Kaddish is recited and Mishnah is studied in memory of the departed, and the traditional ways to honor and commemorate a loved one according to Jewish tradition.
Kaddish and Mishnah on the Yahrzeit
Recitation of Kaddish on your loved one’s Yahrzeit in the holy city of Tzfat, Israel.
ℹ You may choose any payment amount for Yahrzeit Kaddish. Alternatively, you can arrange for Kaddish to be recited every year for life with a one-time payment of $500.
🕯️ This payment is for a Yahrzeit Kaddish. If you wish to arrange Kaddish for the entire first year of mourning (11 months), please continue to the next page.
The Anniversary
It is stated in the holy books that every year that on the day of the Yahrzeit, the soul is lifted to a higher level, and it is the custom of Israel to engage good deeds to honor of the soul.
It is very worthwhile to set a reminder so that, God forbid, you do not forget this day. You can join the WhatsApp reminder service for the anniversary.
Calculating the anniversary
The anniversary of the death falls on the Hebrew date of the day of death regardless of the day of burial or the date on which the eleventh month in which Kaddish is said ends.
There are those who have the custom that if day of burial was more than 3 days from the time of death, then the first Yahrzeit Day, and only with this exception, is observed on the day of burial. But in the subsequent years the anniversary is observed on the day of death {opinion of the Shach}.
Others, in any situation, observe the Yahrzeit day according to the day of death {opinion of the Taz, and the decision of the Pnei Baruch, as well as the Chabad custom.}
The Shabbat prior to the Yahrzeit
On the Shabbat before the anniversary, it is customary to receive an Aliyah to the Torah for the Maftir section. This custom is established in the writings of the ARI (Rabbi Isaac Luria) of blessed memory.
Customs on the Yahrzeit Day:
1. A memorial candle
Lighting a memorial candle to uplift the soul of the deceased the night before the anniversary. This is performed with a special candle that remains lit for 24 hours and should be allowed to fade by itself and not be extinguished.
2. Mourners’ Kaddish
On the anniversary, it is customary to say the Mourners’ Kaddish prayer in the presence of a minyan – 10 worshipers from the night before the anniversary to the Mincha prayer in all three prayers – Arvit, Shacharit and Mincha.
If you are unable to say the Kaddish, the Halacha states that you should appoint someone to say the Kaddish prayer on your behalf.
3. Visiting the grave
It is customary to visit the grave of the deceased and say psalms and the “Kel Maleh Rachamim” (God of abundant mercy) prayer at the gravesite.
One should recite the Gravesite Kaddish in the presence of a minyan – ten men Bar Mitzvah (13) or older. Reciting the Gravesite Kaddish on the anniversary is an important mitzvah.
4. Fasting
There is an ancient custom that is mentioned in the Shulchan Aruch, to fast from sunrise to sunset to mark the mourning on the anniversary.
Today, many do not practice this custom due to weakness, and therefore it is sufficient to study Torah and give charity as a substitute for fasting.
5. Torah study
On the anniversary, it is customary to have increased study of Torah, and especially to learn Mishna to uplift the soul of the deceased.
6. Good deeds to lift the soul
One should engage in an excess of Good deeds and giving charity in the name of the deceased and the uplifting of his soul.
7. Public prayer
If possible, on should lead the prayers in the synagogue and light 5 candles on the prayer stand.
8. Bringing refreshments and hosting a gathering
It is the custom of Israel to mark the anniversary by bringing refreshments and drinking a L’chaim (to life) with friends and family, what is called among the Hasidim “Hitvaadut” (gathering) and it is a worthy deed to say many blessings for the uplifting of the soul.
To illustrate the importance, we will quote a story about one of Israel’s greats who forgot his mother’s Yahrzeit.
It is told that she came to him in a dream and said that she was willing to forgive him for the customs he had forgotten EXCEPT the fact that he had forgotten to hold a gathering and bring refreshments, what was called in their place an “establishment.”
Calculating the anniversary in special cases
If the deceased dies in a leap year on the 1st of Adar I, in a regular year there is no 30th of Adar, so the law determines that the anniversary is observed on the 30th of Shevat which is the preliminary day of Rosh Hodesh for Adar.
If the deceased dies on the 30th of Marcheshvan or the 30th of Kislev and in the following year there is no 30th but only 29 days in the month, the law that follows the observation of the first anniversary of death.
If the first anniversary occurs in a shortened year (only 29 days in these months) the Yahrzeit would henceforth be seton the 29th of the month, and if it was an extended year, he would always observe the Yahrzeit on Rosh Chodesh even in subsequent years with only 29 days, in which the Yahrzeit will be observed on the 1st of the next month.
What if you do not know the exact date of the anniversary?
If it is not possible to find out, you can choose one of the days of the year. And what better than one of the short winter days, to set for observing the anniversary.
Yahrzeit – is it a day to be sad or happy?
We will quote the contents of a letter written by the Lubavitcher Rebbe to a family in preparation for the anniversary of a parent’s death:
There are two approaches to how to treat the anniversary?
On the one hand, on the anniversary the soul ascends to a higher level in the spiritual world, and, so this day is a day of joy to the soul.
On the other hand, here in the material world, the anniversary reminds us of death and brings about sadness and feelings of sorrow.
The Rebbe told the family that this day should bring to mind the intention to align our life with the course of the soul’s life in the spiritual world, because as the soul rises every year so too the people associated with it should advance in the virtues of Torah and Mitzvos.
And God forbid, not to fall into sadness but to know that for the soul this day is a day of joy, and we too should be happy.
And give our gift to the departed soul by the good deeds and acts. For more on this read the article Dealing with Loss.